He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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