tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize