he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
