Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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