He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
