She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
