I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
