Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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