If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
