At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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