Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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