guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
