Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i will never coherently bang her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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