so explain again why im purple
no
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
