You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
