apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Randomize
