Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize