that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
