I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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