If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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