shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
