Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
