I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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