So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
