u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
