I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
