I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
