my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Semen is not good for contacts.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
