He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
