i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
