I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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