Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
