Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
