just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
