woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
