This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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