last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My breasts were aching with rage.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
