you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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