Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
