so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
