I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
