Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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