On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize