Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
