the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
