YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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