Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize