if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
