there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
