So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
