The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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