Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
