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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
