Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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