Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
