Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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