At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
