that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
