Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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