she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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