i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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