Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
