what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
