last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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