I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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