There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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