you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
