Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
