Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
