i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize