This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
