just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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