Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The adults are the big ones right?
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