I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
