I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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