I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
