Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
