i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
