mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
