I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
