I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
