I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
