I hope mine doesn't look like that
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
